What Siri should be able to do, but cannot #

Music #

1. How many songs are in Bob’s Big Playlist? (you just fucking shuffled it!)
2. What playlists are in my library? (where you just looked to find the playlist!)
3. Retain the last volume on other speakers for more than an hour.
4. Remove songs from my playlists. “Remove this song from this playlist.”
5. Allow me to ask for songs in another language. “Play the French song Emmène-Moi Demain by Mireille Matthieu.”
6. “Play hits of the 70s and 80s.” (i.e. multiple decades, or a date range)
7. Tell me how long a song is. (it’s in the fucking metadata at the start of the file, for fuck sakes)
8. Tell me what playlist or “station” is playing.

Podcasts #

You know, as in iPod and HomePod? You should be good at these!

1. Play a previous episode of a podcast, not just the latest episode.
2. Search podcasts.
3. Tell me how long a podcast episode is.

Timers #

1. Remember how long a coffee timer is. It’s 4 minutes every fucking time.
2. Change the volume on timers for when people are napping in the next room.
3. Add more time to a timer. “Add 20 minutes to my bread timer.” (hey, maybe it can do this now?)
4. Access timers from other HomePods — especially the one that answered from the other room when I tried to set a timer from 5 feet away on the kitchen HomePod!

Weather #

1. Customize what I want in my weather report. I want temperature and wind speed, and I want to know if it’s going to rain soon.

News #

1. Actually play the news, not the CBC news podcast with ads at the front.
2. There should never be a “Problem with Apple Podcasts” when I ask for the goddamn news.

Shortcuts #

1. Allow a different device to run Shortcuts besides the device that tracks when I’m home. i.e.: Run Shortcuts on my iPad, but track my location/presence with my iPhone. Or even better: run the fuckers ON THE HOMEPOD!

Programmability #

1. I should be able to speak sequences of instructions such as “Keep repeating the word ‘coffee’ until I tell you to stop.” (It’s OK if it only does it for a couple of minutes. Gotta have limits.)

Reminders #

1. “Remind me in 20 minutes to empty the dishwasher” should result in an audible reminder from the HomePod, and not a reminder set on my phone/iPad.
2. The HomePod should not need to talk to my fucking phone to put an item on my grocery list.

General #

1. Any sort of help function at all. “How can I control podcasts?” “How do I ask for an album?” “Where the fuck is the online documentation that tells me how to get stuff from Siri?”
2. Simple diagnostics: “How is your wifi signal?” “How long have you been plugged in?” “Which one of you motherfuckers is the main Home hub?”